The World’s Greatest Collection of Ideas Brought to You by NewsAF

News AF is a weekly podcast discussing the Internet’s best actual factual news stories hosted by Rob Cesternino, Tyson Apostol, and Danny Bryson.

The best way to sum up the show is with this review from iTunes by Rogonalog:

If you need news, look no further! News expert Danny Bryson and his two sidekicks, Survivor contestants “Boston Rob” Cesternino and Andrea Boehlke, break down the important stories of the week in a respectful and intellectual way. I listen to News AF with my golden retriever-cocker spaniel mix and he loooooves it! Give it a listen! You will like it 🙂 Promise.

News AF contains news discussion, sound financial advice (my Crystal Pepsi investment is still killing it), and public service announcements regarding the impending future galactic salt mines. However, News AF isn’t just the musings of relatively in shape generation Xers with fat man voices, they also give away free business ideas and inventions.

Everything from a specialized Uber service for adulterers, to the urine slide for peeing in the shower, the shows are full of amazing business advice just waiting for the right entrepreneur to grab hold of.

Rob, Tyson and Danny are the modern day reincarnation of Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell.

Intrigued by this, I decided to help chronicle the News AF’s teams contributions to society by writing a computer program to go back through all 69 episodes of News AF and pull out all business ideas and inventions. I may have missed some, but this list should be pretty comprehensive.

Here are the 19 greatest ideas to come from News AF (list is in order of episode, from oldest to newest).

1. The Shampoo at the Beach Prank

More of a claim to a past invention than a proposal of a new one, but Tyson says he invented the prank of putting shampoo on people’s heads at the beach while they are showering.

News AF 003 | Red Cups, UFOs, Phil Collins and More! : Around 38 minutes and 20 seconds

2. The Nickelback Punishment

Rob, Tyson and Danny brainstorm ideas for a deterrent for looking at your ex’s social media page. They come up with the idea that if you do that, automatically a status update should go to all your friends saying, “Hey, check out this awesome link.” where the link goes to a Nickelback YouTube video.

News AF 005 | Fake Facebook, Fake Police Reports, and More! : Around 22 minutes

3. The Cereal Thermos

Tyson suggests the invention of a giant thermos type thing with a straw that’s big enough to have cereal come up the straw.

News AF 008 | Starbucks Hates Polar Bears & Mountain Dew Wings : Around 25 minutes and 30 seconds

4. The Barbie Hidden Camera

Tyson suggests an idea for Mattel. Every Barbie and Ken doll should have a hidden camera attached to their privates so that when someone pulls off their clothes and takes a look, the camera catches them in the act so we know who the perves are.

News AF 008 | Starbucks Hates Polar Bears & Mountain Dew Wings : Around 52 minutes and 30 seconds

5. Facebook Deletion as a Punishable Offense

While discussing someone who got into trouble with posting a video on Facebook of them eating a live gold fish, Rob and Danny suggest that the courts should have the power to delete someone’s Facebook account as a form of punishment.

News AF 14 | Eating Snow : Around 56 minutes

6. Pizza Ordering App

Adam, News AF’s Australian correspondent, talks of an app that will automatically order a pizza for you as soon as you load the app. Tyson suggests a better idea where the app starts with a cheese pizza and you can throw toppings on as you go so you can customize your order.

News AF 25 | Inappropriate Robot Touching is News AF : Around 55 minutes

7. A Farm Animal Twist to Sex Box

While discussing a British show called Sex Box, Danny suggests a better format for the show should be that there are two sex boxes where an audience can hear couples having sex. After the show the audience is asked questions like “Which couple has more passion? Which couple really cares about each other?”. However, the big reveal is that one of the boxes actually contains farm animals.

News AF 27 | The Naked Restaurant is News AF : Around 37 minutes and 30 seconds

8. The Urine Slide

After discussing a story about how you save a lot of water if you urinate in the shower, Danny and Rob suggest an invention to help assist with this activity. Danny suggests perhaps a tube that you attach to your privates, like a slide for your urine.

News AF 35 | Cheerio Stacking Challenge is News AF : Around 22 minutes

9. The Fast Food Smartphone Holder

Building on the idea from a news story where KFC offers a cell phone charger as part of their delivery box, Rob suggests a better idea is to have a phone holder so he can scroll through things on his phone while eating. Tyson agrees and boldly suggests all fast food containers should have this.

News AF 36 | KFC Phone Charging Box is News AF : Around 14 minutes and 30 seconds

10. The Hamburger Deep Fried Bacon Patty

Tyson invents a new type of hamburger. First the bottom bun, then the hamburger patty, then on top of that a second patty made out of ground bacon deep fried, and on top of that, all the fixins.

News AF 40 | The Last VHS Tape is News AF : Around 53 minutes

11. Equal Recycling for All

While discussing someone who got in trouble for returning recyclables across state lines, Tyson suggests a better idea is to make the return rate the same across all states.

News AF 41 | Krispy Kreme Meth Evidence is News AF : Around 27 minutes

12. Clown Uber

Tyson suggests a new type of Uber, where they have Clown Uber for picking up 85 clowns at once.

News AF 42 | Pizza ATM is News AF : Around 18 minutes and 50 seconds

13. The Crepe ATM

Building on a prior episode featuring a pizza ATM, Rob suggests the creation of a crepe ATM.

News AF 47 | The 5 Second Rule is News AF : Around 4 minutes

14. The Schlumburger

Not to be confused with the hamdog, Tyson invents the Schlumburger. It is a hot dog ground down into a patty for a burger. It will retail for $1.99, News AF cost will only be $0.05. Should be available early Spring 2017. This comes up again in Episode 55 around the 57 minute marker.

News AF 49 | The Hamdog is News AF : Around 9 minutes

15. The Double Hash Brown Holder

No more burning your hands when you buy two hash browns at McDonald’s, Tyson invents the double hash brown holder for holding two hash browns at once without burning your hand.

News AF 60 | Nordstrom Holiday Rock is News AF : Around 10 minutes and 30 seconds

16. Alcoholic Steam & The Grown Up Sippy Cup

While discussing a company selling the “shower beer”, Danny suggests that a better idea would be to use an alcoholic mister to create alcoholic steam. Tyson further suggests the idea of the grown up sippy cup for drinking beer in the shower.

News AF 64 | Dollhouse Ordering Echo’s are News AF : Around 20 minutes

17. The Pauly Shore Voiced Scam Prevention Service App

Possibly one of Tyson’s greatest ideas. For dealing with phone scammers, there could be an app where you can type in a question or it can pick up the question automatically and it responds for you so that the scammer won’t get a copy of your voice. Pauly Shore is a likely voice you can get if Morgan Freeman is unavailable.

News AF 67 | Tostitos Breathalyzer is News AF : Around 24 minutes and 25 seconds

18. THC Fry Oil

Tyson proposes a business idea for Burger King. Fry all their fries in THC oil so people get the munchies and want to eat even more of their food.

News AF 67 | Tostitos Breathalyzer is News AF : Around 42 minutes and 35 seconds

19. The Adultery Uber Service

Car service that drives you to your love affairs. Possibly allows you to switch cars multiple times for extra discretion so your significant other cannot trace you.

News AF 69 | Valentine’s Day Adultery is News AF : Around 13 minutes

Final Thoughts

If you made it through that chronicling of genius, like me, you are likely overwhelmed.

With each episode of News AF, like reading A Brief History of Time, I come to realize how small I am in this world. If only I could have one such brilliant business idea, I’d be able to carve a little place for myself in the history books.

Alas, I, like many of you, lack the creative genius of Rob, Danny and Tyson. We will just have to settle for living vicariously through News AF each week.